May 18 2009
License…..A Requirement for Parenthood?
Doesn’t every child deserve to be looked at this way?
This subject brings heated discussion among individuals everywhere. Let’s briefly address this topic. We must have a license to drive a car, motorcycle, or airplane legally, hunt, sell insurance, mortgages and real estate, perform cosmetology, dentistry and medicine and for goodness sake we even have to have a license to fish.
I would like to pose this question ………. If we are required to have licenses for all of those reasons, why do we not have some requirement for becoming parent? Becoming a parent is one of the easiest things to do, but the hardest and most important to maintain.
I may be a little jaded from years of working with children and families and seeing the ineffectiveness of the system. It may come from the fact I was a teenage mother who took my job more seriously than most adults who were twice my age. I accepted responsibility for my choices and actions, and put my child first.
This program would be a requirement to complete prior to giving birth, an evaluation of sorts, a preventative measure to ensure the termination of abuse some children go through due to parental ignorance and selfishness. This program would be able to evaluate an individual’s dedication to becoming to a parent. Falsely people believe it is only the young and under privileged with this problem, it includes many professionals, well to do individuals, drug addicts incapable of stopping while pregnant, abused woman, abusers, any individual who cannot or will not put their child’s needs first. If they did not complete the program, and pass, they would not take their bundle of joy home.
HARSH, you say? Think about the scores of children who are left in abusive, neglectful (both physically and psychologically) homes when the state finally removes them, for some it’s too little too late. Irreparable damage is done which could have been prevented. Most are “too old” to be adopted by a family, have siblings they must be separated from, or habits/traumas that will haunt them for the rest of their life. The cost of implementing this program would be far less than the expense we already incur for taking care of these children when they are removed or housing the adults who did not get help in our prison system. We are talking about preventative measures.
Most insurance companies now cover preventative medicine (we all know they don’t cover anything they don’t have to). This industry learned in the long run it is cheaper to use prevention than pay for crisis management. This doesn’t mean people do not still get incurable diseases. It does mean they have a better chance of catching it early, and getting the best treatment. Don’t our children deserve the same benefit?
It can be said some grow into parenthood or the instinct to put your child first happens when they are born. This maybe true, however the instinct to protect your unborn, developing child has a reasonable argument as well (nothing to do with pro-choice/pro-life). It’s about the willingness to show dedication, give up bad habits or bad situations so your child may have a chance?
What are your thoughts?
Just so we are clear this is a hypothesis, but one I hope will give you the chance to think about.
I had to chew on this one for a while. I don’t like extreme. I for one love my freedom of thought, speech and action. And don’t think I would have liked asking permission to become a parent. This theory posses too many unanswered questions, too much speculation and legal issues. But mainly, it is our human right to reproduce if nothing else. I hope this is a hypothesis you put out to make us think; but it is extreme and very unlikely. Truly I hadn’t heard of it before.
But let’s take a closer look, hypothetically speaking and for the sake of discussion.
A course on parenting, yes, that could be good option, learning always is; but, if the consequence of not getting the license were, let’s say, not being able to register your child at birth. Just trump one of the red tape steps. Mothers have almost 8 months to prepare for birth. Why not have that much time, to be educated about parenting?
The flaw? Simple, parenting is a life time commitment. Even if you take a course in the early stages (new born to toddler), I guarantee that the parent-child relationship will change. And the course would become obsolete. Then the course would have to be taken at every mayor stage of the child’s life.
The first course would deal with diapers and sleep habits and potty training and the importance of a safe home environment etc. It can’t and won’t be effective if it deals with issues all the way through the teenager years (lack of interest, grades, relationships, drugs, sex, school, rebellion etc.) Never mind young adults.
Would the license program be renewable? And then, what would the consequence of not renewing the license be? And I am hoping that the idea isn’t taking the child from his home, because taking a new born, who will not notice if it isn’t mom or dad changing his diaper or giving him milk, is relatively ok. But what about a 10 year-old or a 16 year-old? It would be exactly like you said about the child suffering traumas that he would carry throughout his entire life.
Can you imagine living in a relatively good home and being taken out because your mom didn’t get her license? How will the child feel? Will he still have respect for his parents? Part of parenting is having a position of authority over your child and I mean that in a good way. If the parent loses the child’s respect at any given moment, the relationship is broken.
And what if one parent passed and the other one didn’t. Would he or she be made to leave the home until he or she can get the license? If so, we already have this system, Social Services, so no real changes there; but there would be in the household. Its dynamic would be broken if one of the parents has to leave. We have all seen what happens to children whose parents are split up. Imagine it being a consequence of a test?
There is another issue; this line of thinking would be a stepping stone for complete control over who can or can’t have children. States, congress and legislature in general disagree over things like academic curriculum and tax percentage. How would they ever agree on a test for parenting?
Or would it be left to each state? Then, future parents would get their license in one state instead of another? Or would it be a nationwide standardized test. Who would be responsible for creating such a test and updating it… other parents, teachers, psychologists? The true definition of good parenting is far too complicated and it depends upon many factors. Factors that shift and change with life and circumstances, some great parents are terrible single parents or vice versa. A test would have to be taken virtually once a month to keep up with frustrations, new challenges and developments in the home.
We as a society SHOULD always try and protect our children, but at what cost? By stepping on individual rights? Or even the child’s right to have their biological parents? (Adopting parents are already put under this much scrutiny) In conclusion, this is a very tricky and risky argument.
I’ll keep a look out for more replies, I too blog here and want to know what other blogger’s have on their mind. Xpressoutloud.today.com
Yes, I put this out as a hypothesis. It got you thinking didn’t it?
I do think there should be some national education program for all new parents to attend. Education is supremely the key to treating our children better. A parent who is educated on what to expect at different stages of their child’s life, or how to best handle a particular issue will have a better chance of properly handling those situations with a positive outcome.
The dynamics which are currently in place wait until things have gone too far and a child is hurt either psychologically or physically. We must develop standards that truly hold parents accountable for their actions or inactions as it were. Educating, mentoring and counseling in a non judgemental environment to aide in the prevention of abuse.
Without there being any requirement for all to attend these educational programs only the dedicated parents would go, which would be great. However, the group that needs to be reached are the ones who wouldn’t make the time to attend.
Just some thoughts to get your mind stimulated and hear what others think may be a solution.
Boy did you ever. And actually, this theory stuck to me.
I definitely agree that prevention is the key to successful (or at least not so dreadful) outcomes in any situation. Teaching parents about potential problems at the different stages would ease the process for parents and the children. Some parents I know think they are doing a “bad job” or a “great job” when their child suddenly changes their attitude at home. Sometimes it’s just a temporary thing but one has to be taught to look for the sighs that can go both ways.
It never is just about the neglected ones, there is a great number of kids who have good homes but still need a little push in the right direction; so, in comes education for the parents. Actually great groups and long friendships can be formed when parents get together and talk about their children. I know of people who get together once a month and pick a topic and bring in either literature or an expert to talk about that night. Kind of like a book club, it is for obvious reasons called “school for parents”.
Let’s see if you get more comments and we can get a better idea of what other parents think about it this.
xpressoutloud,
Here is another point to have you ponder…..You spoke about adoptive parents being put through scrutiny, so here is the quandry of my next article…….If adoptive parents go through the paces to add a child to their home, only because they cannot procreate, why do those of us with the ability to reproduce have carte blanche to do so without any thought of consequences
Adoptive parents obviously put thought and care into bringing a child into their home. Yet in our country we have an overwhelming amount of children with absent fathers, mothers or both because noone put thought into what having unprotected sex would ultimately involve.